MY LIFE STORY PART III - The Downfall

        After more than two years in my first job, the plant was already in operation and additional construction works nearly completed. I was assigned as the Production Records and Control Assistant (PRCA) from which directly reporting to the Production Manager. Barracks inside were already demolished and nobody allowed to stay-in except the assigned Officer of the Night. And it’s time to move out from the plant and stayed in a boarding house.

           I left the company after almost 3 years of service but still lived in Cavite  and stayed at the same boarding house. I applied in an Aluminum Factory as an operator/helper and casual employee for 5 months. During that time, I don’t have any choice but to accept any kind of work just to survive. I experienced here a heavy and difficult job. It was very far away from my profession but I need to do it since I am living on my own. I have given my best at work hoping to be a regular employee in this company but it’s not worth it. My contract with the company ended. Then, unemployed for more than 2 months. So, financially, I experienced some difficulties. I was not able to pay the rent of my house for 3 months. I also experienced here eating at least once a day but due to some good friends I survived. I never stop applying for a job until one day a newly ongoing constructed Department Store in Cavite called me for a final interview. And so, I got my 3rd job as a Warehouseman and having a chance to be the supervisor but due to a better opportunity I resigned after 1-1/2 months. 

Favorite Hang-out:  For the Boys & Videoke Bar

           Meanwhile, during those days I’ve met a new set of friends. We have some drinking (liquor) sessions outside and inside my apartment together with my old friends. We often go out during the night and sing along in some videoke bars. We also have some fun with those bar girls and dating them once in a while. It’s just normal that we have to experience all of these especially for a bachelor like me until one time during my 25th birthday that an incident happened in my apartment that I could never forget. This was the worst nightmare in my entire life.

My Friend during my down fall; shabu, cigarette,
drinking sessions and beer houses

       It was morning of June 24, 2005, one of my friend came to me and borrowed the key for my apartment in preparation of my birthday celebration in the afternoon. As a casual employee, I cannot afford to be absent in my new job. After working hours, I went home full of excitement knowing that everything was done for my birthday party. Visitors and friends came to greet me as usual. After eating, usual drinking and a little bit chatting then went home but others stayed for drinking sessions. As the evening getting late, most of us were already drunk and didn't expect that one of my friend was a DRUG USER. Before that, I went out with my other friend to buy beers then returned after less than an hour. I noticed my bedroom was closed and I wonder why, so I asked them what’s going on inside. At first, they denied it but I was already angry. I went directly to my room only to find out that POT SESSION was on going. One of my close friend was there and asked an apology. Since I am a friendly person and don’t want to finish my birthday with hatred so then apology accepted. Suddenly, I found myself joining them. And I discovered that it’s good the first time using such prohibited drugs which was called "SHABU". The drinking session continues until dawn but we end up sleepless because of this drug awakening night. Since I don’t have any sleep, it’s my first time to be absent in my work.

           After a week, that incident happened again and again and again and keeps on repeating every week then twice, then thrice or even four times a week until I am finally hooked with this drugs. Now that I found a new messy world of drugs, I encourage some of my friends and many times I bought for our use. After using drugs, we do some bar hopping and sing along in videoke bars. We always going home at dawn sleepless but we have to take again drugs to get ourselves alert all day long. Then, I am starting to enjoy the company of drug addicts. And this is just the beginning of my messy world.

          But I have in mind that life must go on and continue working. My ambitions in life still there but hanging in the air. I have some difficulties now reaching my goals. So, after my resignation in a Department Store, I immediately got a new job in Wires and Cable Manufacturing Company as a Mechanical Technician.  But sad to say, I admit that during my  final interview with this company, I was high on drugs. I am very lucky that I handled the situation professionally and enough to be hired. And here I’ve met again another set of friends hoping that my personal life will change, but instead, it worsen my situation. Due to influence of drugs, I found myself having a wrong escapade considering that this was the saddest and lowest part of my life. Sometime during the night when I am alone at my room having high on drugs, I got so much thinking about my life, self pity, how to get out from drugs and many others. I have some wrong moves against my will that I have done in my entire life. I lost my loving family, some of my closest friends and all material things that I’ve produced. Identity Crisis at this stage of my life was bothering me due to different emotions wrapped around my personalities and I can’t understand where I belong. I am ashamed of presenting myself to my family. There are some true friends concerned about me but keeps on ignoring them or even hating them because I felt they interfere in my own personal life. I don’t want them to penetrate my own style of living but at the back of my mind I knew they were right. At this point in time I am considering now the word CHANGE but don’t know how to start. Many times I attempted to change my life but I cannot get out from the dark due to strong evil forces that driving my mind to continue such evil things. I don’t have the power to resist those temptations. Everything in me was already gone until I discovered myself crying and kneeling infront of the Lord asking forgiveness and guidance.

          "Here I am, Oh Lord, down at your feet seeking forgiveness. Please guide me and protect me from darkness. I am weak so please give me strength. You light up my life that I can go the right way and deserve to have a second chance."